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topazeraI think I'm finally getting used to this college thing. It's not as different as I thought it would be. When I left London, I thought that Hamilton would have nothing in common. I'm not sure why. But there is still the same feeling for me, of having free time punctuated with class and homework. I'm much more grounded here though at the same time lighter. One thing I was glad to leave behind from London was the loneliness. It seems disconcerting now to think of being as disconnected from people as I was. I think I feel much more lonely thinking back on that than I did at the time. I honestly don't know how I would have made this transition without the Megs. I'm not sure how other Jan admits do it. Although the rest of the London group have each other, so that's like coming in with strong friendships. And I honestly think that getting smashed created a lot of the camaraderie that I missed out on. Just the idea of being dependent on others and seeing each other reveal weakness that comes out of it. And of course all the in-jokes. But maybe I'm totally misconstruing it. I wouldn't know.
The first few days here were hard. Last semester, I found strength in being independent. When I came here I didn't really have a place or people who I felt comfortable around. In the city I would have gone and done things by myself. But here, I felt I couldn't just go out to the dining hall alone or go watch a movie or something. That first Saturday, I felt so weak for not being able to go out and fit in somewhere. It seemed like everyone on my hall knew each other and were so comfortable. Then the very next day, Megan came and I met Meg. And I felt so much better. I probably shouldn't be so dependent, I should be making lots of new friends. But honestly, spending time with the two of them feels so great, that it's become less of a priority. I just have to try to not close off myself. We'll see, I guess. Ok, that was far too much introspection. I'm done now!
The first few days here were hard. Last semester, I found strength in being independent. When I came here I didn't really have a place or people who I felt comfortable around. In the city I would have gone and done things by myself. But here, I felt I couldn't just go out to the dining hall alone or go watch a movie or something. That first Saturday, I felt so weak for not being able to go out and fit in somewhere. It seemed like everyone on my hall knew each other and were so comfortable. Then the very next day, Megan came and I met Meg. And I felt so much better. I probably shouldn't be so dependent, I should be making lots of new friends. But honestly, spending time with the two of them feels so great, that it's become less of a priority. I just have to try to not close off myself. We'll see, I guess. Ok, that was far too much introspection. I'm done now!
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Date: 2004-02-02 10:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-02-02 07:51 pm (UTC)Yea!
Date: 2004-02-12 08:34 am (UTC)